It's been a while....

Sorry I haven't written for ages...a combination of feeling pretty crappy and being tired!
I don't really have that much to report except for a massive scare on Sunday morning. I had had a pretty terrible night. Starting from about 2am I was really restless and started feeling pretty ordinary. As the morning went on, I was feeling worse and worse until by 6am, I was feeling REALLY bad. I can't really describe it.......everything hurt, I felt terribly ill, I couldn't breathe properly, my chest was tight and I was coughing heaps. Needless to say I was in tears, and I had said to Jason, "I think this might be it. I might be going." We decided not to call an ambulance because my wish is to die at home and unless it became unbearable I wanted to stay there. He asked what drugs I wanted and I couldn't answer because there was so much wrong I didn't know where to start! He went to get some breakthrough pain relief and when he got back he said, "Have you checked your pump?" When I looked at it it had stopped! It hadn't been going since about 8pm! No wonder I felt crap!!!!
I had now been completely drug free for about 8 hours. The good thing was I had an explanation for why I was feeling so bad, but it was a bit of a shock how bad I would be feeling if I didn't have the drugs. Another one of those slaps in the face to remind me how sick I really am.
It took a few hours to get the levels back up and for me to be comfortable again, but I check my pump constantly now.
Nothing terribly interesting has happened since then. As I said, I've been feeling pretty crappy. I have had nausea and been really fatigued. So all I want to do is sleep. I am confident that's a side effect of the chemo.
I saw the Palliative care Dr again today. He hasn't changed any medication but was able to ascertain that one of my new pains is probably coming from a tumour in my lung irritating the pleura. Why don't they just go away. The tumours that is!
It's our 9th wedding anniversary next Wednesday night so I booked at the Quay Grand Suites again. With the kids again, because they really make it worthwhile. I thought maybe we could have lunch at Wildfire and then check-in. We'll see.....
We are going to Macquarie Park Crematorium tomorrow to pick our spots. I know it seems a bit morbid, but it's less for Jason to do when the time comes, and if I do beat this, I am still going to die one day!
Oh, RPA re doing a "Where are they now?" show and Jay is having them film an MPA meeting tomorrow night. Great coverage for MPA, and I love anything that gets the melanoma message out there. Hopefully I can make it, as long as this nausea keeps away. I'll be the chick up the back dozing!!!
Anyway, until next time xxxx

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!