Not much to say......

Except I am happy to be home from hospital. Apart from the fact that they completely monster me when I am in there from the perspective of all the needles. Sometimes the idea of a portacath doesn't sound that bad after all! Just in case, you don't know what that is, it's a surgically implanted line that they can give you drugs and take blood etc from so it would mean none of this continual prodding and poking I have to endure at the moment between blood tests and canulars. Being the huge sook that I am though, the thought of the implantation is just too much for me to deal with at the moment so they haven't pushed the idea and the gfact Iwill going onto oral chemo probably means it's less important to get one.
THe boys are certainly happy to have Mummy home.....particularly Andy. That's been a bit harder this time. Normally Andy is OK and Matt is the one who struggles terribly, but Andy hasn't coped very well this time with the whole hospital thing. I don't know what they think is going to happen to me while I am in there or if it is just the fact that I am there and not at home with them. I am guessing it's the latter.
I am still feeling a bit reflective and very emotional about Christmas. I think it's because I didn't expect to be here for Christmas, let alone share it with my beautiful family with extra gifts donated from friends'church group and the lady, Jillan, from kindy who not only gave me the gift vouchers, (which I told you about already), but she also bought a whole heap of presents for the boys. People have been so kind, it almost makes me feel guilty.
I just want to take a moment to thank all of you again. For your love, support, prayers, donations and gifts. They all mean so much to us and I know if I would be beating this disease and fighting back as strongly as I am if I didn't have all the love and support I do. So thank you again and keep it coming! There can never be too many prayers hey!
I still haven't heard anything about starting chemo. I am guessing now that they will probably wait until after Christmas just in case there are any adverse effects or I have a reaction. I am sure they don't want me in hospital over Christmas either.
I am worried about my heart. I have felt it out of beat a few times today and I've had more pain in the past couple of weeks, (since the infection), than I have had in a while. I saw the Palliative care doctor on Wednesday and he suggested the pain was infection related and may take a few weeks to settle. That did surprise me a little I guess, back to the old forgetting that I am in fact still terminally ill and can't expect things to be the same as they were before. Life is VERY different now.
Well, I might get off to sleep so thanks again for your support and really make sure you make the most of the time you have with your family over the Christmas break. Pretend like it's the Christmas you will see them.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP