First post (as opposed to the last one!)

Well, I figure I have to start this sometime, and now seems as good a time as any! At the pace that everything is moving it will all be over before I begin so I need to get a start.
I am told as well as being incredibly useful in keeping everyone up to date I might find it really therapeutic as well. We'll see I guess.
Brief background
At the risk of boring everyone, including myself to tears, I will just quickly go back over the start of this journey as a reminder of how quickly this insidious disease can turn your life upside down.
In March 2007, I was diagnosed with Melanoma. The original tumour on my back had already penetrated the tissue and made it's way to the lymph nodes in my left armpit. In a whirlwind of appointments and hospital stays, I had the intial tumour removed, then all the lymph nodes in the left armpit (an axilla clearance). I then started on a month of adjuvent therapy, Interferon, a form of chemo but not cytotoxic like chemo it was actually immunotherapy which builds the immune system to kill the cancer. I didn't manage to finish the treatment, it made me too ill, so I was pulled of about a week early. By July 2007, they were happy with my prognosis. As far as they could tell, all signs of disease were gone and there was no reason for any further concern.
We went on with life pretty much as normal....except I decided not to return to work and changed my career path to start studying Naturopathy. We faced decisions a little differently too I guess, like the decision to take the family to Europe with Jason for business trip, just because we could! Everyone thought we were mad taking a 13 month old and a 3 year old but it was a fantastic experience I would never change if given the opportunity.
20th August 2009
I wake up in the Emergency room at about 4pm.......I have no clue what has happened and am told by Jason that I had some kind of fit or seizure at about 4am. He had called the ambulance and they had brought me to the hospital and heavily sedated me and done some tests. The next thing, a Neurologist comes to speak to us and says they can't find anything neurological that would have caused the episode, however we have found cancer in your liver and lungs.
SHIT! Did he just say what I think he said??? No, must still be drugged go back to sleep.
Wake up again about 30 mins later and ask Jason and Scott, was that real?? Unfortunately, yes it was.
21st August 2009
I was admitted to the San and they did a few more scans that morning. The afternoon was the drop of the first bombshell. A visit from my surgical oncologist confirmed the news I had received the previous day but worse still, when I forced him into a corner to get some idea of how serious this was his response was "months". SHIT again! It is inoperable and there is no effective treatment currently available for Melanoma. My only hope is a trial that has only just started where I am required to have a particular gene - braf - and this new very promising drug can give me some hope.
I stayed in hospital for a few more days, I was feeling pretty crap and the cough I had had depleted me of sleep for so long, the first chance my body had to rest it was going to take it whether I liked it or not!
They let me go home on Thursday 27th August after making an appointment for me to see the medical oncologist in Westmead on Monday 31st August.
First appointment at Westmead
I turn up to my first appointment a little scared/apprehensive but am assured by Jason that "it's not like they can give us any worse news is it?" A piece of advice for everyone, don't ever be too sure about that........it can get worse!!
Anyway, I finally see the doctor and sure enough it is worse than we had thought. Not only was the cancer in my lungs and liver but it is attacking my heart. This has put enormous pressure on my heart in the form of surrounding it by fluid. The ramifications of this heart failure are the most urgent medical problem at the moment and they need to admit me immediately to get it seen to. Also during this appointment, the reality of "months" to live was hammered home. You see when the first doctor had said months, I thought 12 months....at least! However, this doctor was talking 1 or 2 months. SHIT!!! Again!!
Hospital stay
They literally took me straight from the room I was having my appointment in straight up to a ward and the tests and poking and prodding started.
The only way to relieve the pressure from my heart was to drain the fluid manually. This is a horrible procedure that I was awake through and it hurt like hell and I thought I was going to die! If it was not for an angel of a nurse that was there for me after the procedure I think I wouldhave given up then and there......seriously.
They took off 550ml of fluid, that's a lot I would think given your heart isn't really that big in the scheme of things!!
Anyway, it took about 24 hours to get that pain under control and I was moved back to the oncology ward.
I have been here ever since....they are trying to get my pain relief right before I go home. Unfortunately, because the cough is so bad, (caused by the tumours in my lungs), everything hurts. I am living on pain killers and nebulisers amazing how fast things deteriorate.....
Today I had my first cycle of chemo. While there is not much hope that this chemo drug will actually do anything as far as stalling the cancer goes, it is the only option they have and I have to have tried a different chemo before I am allowed to go on the trial drug with the b-raf gene.
So hopefully, I will be out of here soon, maybe Friday, with enough pain meds to let me have some play time with my boys, and with a positive result on this b-raf gene and then I can be on the road to getting rid of this horrible disease out of my body once and for all!
I have many questions, but the most prevalent one at the moment is how can I be planning buying a camper trailer for our family holidays for the next 15 years and 3 weeks later be planning my funeral? It just doesn't make sense............

I am a little bit of my face at the moment with all the drugs and a bit sleepy, so I will probably read this tomorrow and go, "oh my God, what was I thinking". Hope it has brought you up to date on where we are medically. I am sure I have left out lots, but I can always pick it up on another day!

My motto........NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!
xxx